A couple of weeks ago my friend sent me a casting call posting that she got, calling for all single men and women, gay or straight, for a new show (called The Dating Doctor) that will air on Lifetime sometime this winter. The posting said that The Dating Doctor would be a matchmaking show with a well-known New York City matchmaker (personally, I had never heard of him), and those who are interested should send an email about their dating history, why they think they should be on the show, their occupation, and pictures. My friend thought this was perfect for me, and although she is perfectly happy being the "single and sexy" (her words, although all you guys out there, she is) woman that she is, we decided to both apply and see what would happen. After writing a modest email, my coworker thought my application needed to be spiced up a bit in order to get the attention I deserved. So with her help I sent the following email:
- After 6 years – and over 80 losers – I am sick of dating! I’m a “stunningly beautiful” (just ask my last date!), very intelligent and perky 25-year-old single woman, sophisticated beyond my years, and trying to find the perfect Jewish man (perfect for me, that is). And despite all this, I’m not even intimidating! I lead a very full life with my full-time job as an editor for an online publishing company and also have a part-time private nutrition practice. Why is it so hard to find a man in NYC?
Help me, Date Doctor! I’ve had a handful of serious boyfriends in the past, but none that lasted longer than 6 months. I’ve got a great attitude and an even better personality, and I’m not shy to get set up on blind dates. I’m very active on dating websites too – but the pool of men has diminished for me after all of these years. And I’ve got enough bad date stories to fill a book (which, after incessant begging by family and friends, I have begun to capture in my blog, and one day, a book). What am I doing wrong?
Please consider me for your show, “The Date Doctor.” I promise, I’ll be the perfect patient!
Two days later I leave work early and head to the casting office. In a dinky office sat 2 women filling out forms and a secretary who gave me the forms to fill out. As I started to go through the forms, I couldn't help but notice one of the women sitting across from me. She was wearing a very low cut, sparkly top, meant for a night out on the town more than an interview (even if it was for a dating show) and after she handed in her professional head shot, she was busy prepping herself for her call. First she brushed her teeth with a toothpaste topped finger, and washed it down with some green liquid in a water bottle. Then the hair gel went into her short, spiky hair, and finally she put on some powder and lipstick. I couldn't help but laugh (I tried to keep it to myself as best as I could)—I mean, shouldn't reality shows be of "real" people?! I know there are lots of things editors do to make the shows racy and full of drama, but at least they could start with real people, not actresses.
After getting over the actress across from me, I went on to fill out the five page form that asked me everything from the physical characteristics I want in a guy to what I think are a guys and my top three worst dating behaviors. Not so easy to think of in the moment, especially since after all of my dating experience I don't think I have any bad behaviors. I mean, what is this dating doctor possibly gonna teach me about how to date that I don't already know?! Really all I need him for is to find me the guy, teach the guy how to date and be a good boyfriend, and leave the rest up to me.
As I finish up the lengthy questionnaire, Ms. Sparkly Top goes in for her interview, which must have lasted at least 20 minutes. You could tell looking through the glass windows of the interview room, that she was putting on a show. In the meantime, a gay guy comes in, and as he's filling out the forms he asks the other woman waiting what this casting is for. He had no clue why he was there! Another actor trying to pay his rent! (I later found out he was quoted in some book about gay men's advice to single women—don't ask what he said—it was too much for even my ears!)
Finally, after long last it was my turn (the other woman, a blond bombshell, also spent at least 20 minutes being interviewed). I go in, they ask me to hold up a board with my name, say my name into the camera, and then they begin the questions. First they want to know what I do, which they were very interested in (I would be too, if all day I was listening to people who didn't have real jobs!). Then they asked me why I thought I should be on The Dating Doctor. I was honest. I told them my dating history and that I thought the "doctor" could help me meet Mr. Right. They asked me what I look for in a guy, to which I answered someone who's nice, cute, down to earth, a good listener, blah, blah, blah. Their response: "Honey, are you looking for a gay man?!"
Is it so hard to believe that there are men out there who actually listen and pay attention to their girlfriends and wives?! I mean, I know that men have a difficult time focusing on more than one thing at a time, especially if one of those things is a basketball game, but I know I'm not living in lala land. Otherwise I wouldn't see fathers wheeling carriages on a Sunday afternoon or boyfriends in the Saks shoe salon (what's the zip-code again?!) waiting patiently for their girlfriends to try on the same pair of Jimmy Choos as the previous season. So no, lady, I'm not looking for a gay man, I'm looking for a straight man who exists, but is hiding behind a city full of guys with egos and deep pockets that they think make them special. And isn't the whole point of your show to help single, REAL, women like me who want to find the hidden men?
I wish I could say that I actually said this to the women in casting, but I was maintaining my prim and proper stance for the sake of the tape that was rolling in front of me. Just in case they use me when the show airs to give a glimpse of a real woman, not the actresses you will see when The Dating Doctor begins sometime next year.
