It's been a while since I have posted, sorry folks! Life's been hectic these days — in addition to my full-time job, I also have a private practice, which is somewhat time consuming, piles of papers to file at home, a bookcase bursting from the seams that needs to be organized, and the normal day-to-day errands to run. Oh, and to top it off, I have a boyfriend.
You may be thinking, "What? Hot Kosher Girl, you didn't tell us you got hooked on one guy!" Sorry for the lack of updates on this one (finding time to blog is quite hard these days), but yes, HKG, the serial dater, got caught. Hook, line, and sinker. In truth, I was very careful this time around. Guys like this one don't come around too often. He's smart (that's an understatement—double Ivy grad), cute (with brown teddy bear eyes), caring, affectionate, sweet, and has a great family (at least the members I met so far) to boot! Our relationship is still new, only 3 1/2 months, but I have a good feeling about this one. At least until someone pinches me and I wake up.
So what's the problem, you ask?! Why am I blogging about this, you wonder?! Well, nothing's perfect in life. The problem you see, is that with everything else going on in my life, and a mile-long to-do list, how do I find the time to fit in the boy as much as he wants to see me? I know, this shouldn't be a problem; I should be happy that a guy is that into me (10% rule anyone?!), but it's so hard to find time for myself without letting him down. I've tried politely to say I need to take a night for myself, and he says, you just had one. Well, actually, no. That was the night I saw patients. You had a night to yourself, but for me, coming home at 9, finishing dinner, washing up, and getting ready for bed by 10, and then going to sleep an hour later doesn't really qualify for "me time." Am I being selfish? Am I not appreciating that a guy so great wants to spend so much time with me? You may say yes, but I'm not so sure.
In the past, a guy like this would have irked me so much that the 3rd date (if he made it that far) would be the last. Three months is no short feat for me! I'm putting up with the neediness, loving the time I spend with him, and appreciating all the good things. But until the time comes when he doesn't want to see me every night, I'm not sure I will be able to figure out how to find myself in this relationship. And when that time comes, you'll hear me saying, "wait, why don't you want to see me tonight," not "thanks, now I have a night to myself."
Women — we're never satisfied! But I'm working on it.
Till next time,
HKG
Friday, November 16, 2007
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Calling All Singles -- um, Actors
A couple of weeks ago my friend sent me a casting call posting that she got, calling for all single men and women, gay or straight, for a new show (called The Dating Doctor) that will air on Lifetime sometime this winter. The posting said that The Dating Doctor would be a matchmaking show with a well-known New York City matchmaker (personally, I had never heard of him), and those who are interested should send an email about their dating history, why they think they should be on the show, their occupation, and pictures. My friend thought this was perfect for me, and although she is perfectly happy being the "single and sexy" (her words, although all you guys out there, she is) woman that she is, we decided to both apply and see what would happen. After writing a modest email, my coworker thought my application needed to be spiced up a bit in order to get the attention I deserved. So with her help I sent the following email:
- After 6 years – and over 80 losers – I am sick of dating! I’m a “stunningly beautiful” (just ask my last date!), very intelligent and perky 25-year-old single woman, sophisticated beyond my years, and trying to find the perfect Jewish man (perfect for me, that is). And despite all this, I’m not even intimidating! I lead a very full life with my full-time job as an editor for an online publishing company and also have a part-time private nutrition practice. Why is it so hard to find a man in NYC?
Help me, Date Doctor! I’ve had a handful of serious boyfriends in the past, but none that lasted longer than 6 months. I’ve got a great attitude and an even better personality, and I’m not shy to get set up on blind dates. I’m very active on dating websites too – but the pool of men has diminished for me after all of these years. And I’ve got enough bad date stories to fill a book (which, after incessant begging by family and friends, I have begun to capture in my blog, and one day, a book). What am I doing wrong?
Please consider me for your show, “The Date Doctor.” I promise, I’ll be the perfect patient!
Two days later I leave work early and head to the casting office. In a dinky office sat 2 women filling out forms and a secretary who gave me the forms to fill out. As I started to go through the forms, I couldn't help but notice one of the women sitting across from me. She was wearing a very low cut, sparkly top, meant for a night out on the town more than an interview (even if it was for a dating show) and after she handed in her professional head shot, she was busy prepping herself for her call. First she brushed her teeth with a toothpaste topped finger, and washed it down with some green liquid in a water bottle. Then the hair gel went into her short, spiky hair, and finally she put on some powder and lipstick. I couldn't help but laugh (I tried to keep it to myself as best as I could)—I mean, shouldn't reality shows be of "real" people?! I know there are lots of things editors do to make the shows racy and full of drama, but at least they could start with real people, not actresses.
After getting over the actress across from me, I went on to fill out the five page form that asked me everything from the physical characteristics I want in a guy to what I think are a guys and my top three worst dating behaviors. Not so easy to think of in the moment, especially since after all of my dating experience I don't think I have any bad behaviors. I mean, what is this dating doctor possibly gonna teach me about how to date that I don't already know?! Really all I need him for is to find me the guy, teach the guy how to date and be a good boyfriend, and leave the rest up to me.
As I finish up the lengthy questionnaire, Ms. Sparkly Top goes in for her interview, which must have lasted at least 20 minutes. You could tell looking through the glass windows of the interview room, that she was putting on a show. In the meantime, a gay guy comes in, and as he's filling out the forms he asks the other woman waiting what this casting is for. He had no clue why he was there! Another actor trying to pay his rent! (I later found out he was quoted in some book about gay men's advice to single women—don't ask what he said—it was too much for even my ears!)
Finally, after long last it was my turn (the other woman, a blond bombshell, also spent at least 20 minutes being interviewed). I go in, they ask me to hold up a board with my name, say my name into the camera, and then they begin the questions. First they want to know what I do, which they were very interested in (I would be too, if all day I was listening to people who didn't have real jobs!). Then they asked me why I thought I should be on The Dating Doctor. I was honest. I told them my dating history and that I thought the "doctor" could help me meet Mr. Right. They asked me what I look for in a guy, to which I answered someone who's nice, cute, down to earth, a good listener, blah, blah, blah. Their response: "Honey, are you looking for a gay man?!"
Is it so hard to believe that there are men out there who actually listen and pay attention to their girlfriends and wives?! I mean, I know that men have a difficult time focusing on more than one thing at a time, especially if one of those things is a basketball game, but I know I'm not living in lala land. Otherwise I wouldn't see fathers wheeling carriages on a Sunday afternoon or boyfriends in the Saks shoe salon (what's the zip-code again?!) waiting patiently for their girlfriends to try on the same pair of Jimmy Choos as the previous season. So no, lady, I'm not looking for a gay man, I'm looking for a straight man who exists, but is hiding behind a city full of guys with egos and deep pockets that they think make them special. And isn't the whole point of your show to help single, REAL, women like me who want to find the hidden men?
I wish I could say that I actually said this to the women in casting, but I was maintaining my prim and proper stance for the sake of the tape that was rolling in front of me. Just in case they use me when the show airs to give a glimpse of a real woman, not the actresses you will see when The Dating Doctor begins sometime next year.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Double Dating
In all my years of dating I have gone on very few double dates, and I have never been on one when the guy I was with was a set-up. Until now.
Friday night I was set up with a guy who I knew nothing about. A few weeks ago my friend told me the guy she's been seeing, J, had a Jewish guy to set me up with, but she didn't know anything about him other than that he was a successful hedge-fund guy. I guess J figured that was all that I needed to know. So I said sure, you can give J my number to give to his friend. The next thing I know, J wants to know what day I'm free to go out with his friend T. I asked how old he was to be asking me out through his friend, since I don't remember the last time a guy talked to me through other people. My girlfriend figured that J wanted us to all go out together, and low and behold she was right. So I said sure, that will make it easier in case I don't like T. At least then my friend and I would have a fun time regardless of the boys.
So after multiple four-way email exchanges we met up Friday night for drinks and dinner, which led to drinks, dinner, drinks, drinks, and more drinks. When my friend and I met the guys I thought T was cute. He had a young look to him, and I was surprised to find out later that he is 33. He had great hair (a plus, especially for a guy his age), and very nice eyes. The only problem -- his height (what a shocker--a short Jewish guy!). I am about 5'7 1/2 in flat feet, and with my 4 inch heels that I was wearing Fri night I was heads above T, who I saw was about 5'6, 5'7 at most, when he stood up. A little awkward, but I figured I'll make the most of it for a night. (Mind you, recently I have been seeing a guy who is 5'8 1/2 and I thought that was as short as I would go for a date.)
After a drink at the bar we walked to dinner at a little French bistro in SoHo. Conversation with T was okay, nothing great. It's a little hard to get to know someone when other people are having more interesting conversation! Dinner itself was an adventure, what with our undercooked artichoke that our 70 year-old tatooed waitress said tasted fine to her and asked if we wanted it back (um, no, you ate from it crazy lady!), and the longest wait ever for service and a check. Thankfully we all agreed to skip dessert and go elsewhere, which is what led to about 4 hours of bar hopping. My friend and I were happy enough to stay at any of the multiple places we checked out, but the boys seemed intent on impressing us with some cool spot (we weren't so impressed that they had us walking all over the place in heels). At long last, and many drinks later, we decided to go to a kareoke bar, where we got our own room with these cheesy, gross plastic leather sofas, a TV, microphones, and free reign to make fools of ourselves. Who knows what really goes on in those rooms, but it was fun, until my friend and J left, leaving T and me alone for the first time all night. At that point T looked like he was ready to pounce. I was not in the mood to be the prey, and suggested we leave. T asked me to come back to his place, at 3:30 AM mind you, and I said it was way past my bedtime. He dropped me off and said he would call. Right.
So here's the thing. What makes a guy who you just meet, let alone through a friend, think that he is entitled to something more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening? I have never been able to understand this in all my dating history. And on top of it, when said guy doesn't get more than a kiss on the cheek he doesn't call for another date. Little does he know that if we went on another date and got to know each other better one-on-one, maybe he would get more than a cheek at the end of the night. (Not that I was dying for another date with T, but it's the principle.) I guess it's the whole idea of "You reject me, I'll reject you back." If you ask me, this is one way to describe a "player," and boy, am I done with players.
It's past the point of the 3 day rule, so let's just say T is out of the picture. A fun night? Yes. The man I'm gonna marry? No. Another one for the book!
Friday night I was set up with a guy who I knew nothing about. A few weeks ago my friend told me the guy she's been seeing, J, had a Jewish guy to set me up with, but she didn't know anything about him other than that he was a successful hedge-fund guy. I guess J figured that was all that I needed to know. So I said sure, you can give J my number to give to his friend. The next thing I know, J wants to know what day I'm free to go out with his friend T. I asked how old he was to be asking me out through his friend, since I don't remember the last time a guy talked to me through other people. My girlfriend figured that J wanted us to all go out together, and low and behold she was right. So I said sure, that will make it easier in case I don't like T. At least then my friend and I would have a fun time regardless of the boys.
So after multiple four-way email exchanges we met up Friday night for drinks and dinner, which led to drinks, dinner, drinks, drinks, and more drinks. When my friend and I met the guys I thought T was cute. He had a young look to him, and I was surprised to find out later that he is 33. He had great hair (a plus, especially for a guy his age), and very nice eyes. The only problem -- his height (what a shocker--a short Jewish guy!). I am about 5'7 1/2 in flat feet, and with my 4 inch heels that I was wearing Fri night I was heads above T, who I saw was about 5'6, 5'7 at most, when he stood up. A little awkward, but I figured I'll make the most of it for a night. (Mind you, recently I have been seeing a guy who is 5'8 1/2 and I thought that was as short as I would go for a date.)
After a drink at the bar we walked to dinner at a little French bistro in SoHo. Conversation with T was okay, nothing great. It's a little hard to get to know someone when other people are having more interesting conversation! Dinner itself was an adventure, what with our undercooked artichoke that our 70 year-old tatooed waitress said tasted fine to her and asked if we wanted it back (um, no, you ate from it crazy lady!), and the longest wait ever for service and a check. Thankfully we all agreed to skip dessert and go elsewhere, which is what led to about 4 hours of bar hopping. My friend and I were happy enough to stay at any of the multiple places we checked out, but the boys seemed intent on impressing us with some cool spot (we weren't so impressed that they had us walking all over the place in heels). At long last, and many drinks later, we decided to go to a kareoke bar, where we got our own room with these cheesy, gross plastic leather sofas, a TV, microphones, and free reign to make fools of ourselves. Who knows what really goes on in those rooms, but it was fun, until my friend and J left, leaving T and me alone for the first time all night. At that point T looked like he was ready to pounce. I was not in the mood to be the prey, and suggested we leave. T asked me to come back to his place, at 3:30 AM mind you, and I said it was way past my bedtime. He dropped me off and said he would call. Right.
So here's the thing. What makes a guy who you just meet, let alone through a friend, think that he is entitled to something more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening? I have never been able to understand this in all my dating history. And on top of it, when said guy doesn't get more than a kiss on the cheek he doesn't call for another date. Little does he know that if we went on another date and got to know each other better one-on-one, maybe he would get more than a cheek at the end of the night. (Not that I was dying for another date with T, but it's the principle.) I guess it's the whole idea of "You reject me, I'll reject you back." If you ask me, this is one way to describe a "player," and boy, am I done with players.
It's past the point of the 3 day rule, so let's just say T is out of the picture. A fun night? Yes. The man I'm gonna marry? No. Another one for the book!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
The New Era of Dating
I have found that the world of dating has changed over the years. In the olden days (from what I have heard) dating was pretty much non-existent. In Orthodox Jewish circles, parents made shidduchim, "matches," between eligible single women, or girls as occurs in most cases, and eligible single men, or boys. The children had no say in the matter, and were just told this is the boy/girl you are going to marry. (These days you still find this in very religious circles, but not as often for the average Jewish man and woman.) As years went on, in the less religious circles, and even in non-Jewish circles, men and women often met in high school or early on in college, and got married in their early twenties. Take my parents, for example. They met in high school and dated since the time they were 14 years old. My father (the star of his basketball team, but in all other ways a tall, lanky nerd) chased after my mother (a blond bombshell who had tons of guys running after her), and for all of his persistence he won the prize. They got married when they were 21, and after almost 35 years of marriage they are happier and better together than ever. Of course ever since I was 19 they have been worried about my singlehood, and very few days go by without the "you're not getting any younger" line. But times have changed I tell them, and they are slowly seeing this.
Unlike my parents and my brother and sister-in-law (who met in college and got married when they were 25), I didn't have a steady boyfriend in high school or in college. So new outlets were needed to meet people. My first boyfriend was my cousin's friend -- easy enough. My next boyfriend I met at Yom Kippur services in manhattan (I guess all of my repenting for my sins was heard). But once that relationship was done I was stuck. By this point my single friends who I would go out with on the prowl were either in relationships, or not Jewish, which made it hard to meet Jewish men. So I did what most other Jewish single girls did at that time -- I went on Jdate. At 21 it certainly wasn't a novelty to join the online dating bandwagon, but it was new for me, and it opened a whole new world, and population, of single men, some more eligible than others! So for the past 4 and a half years I have perused Jdate, been on and off more than a dozen times, had over 80 Jdates, and a couple of boyfriends to boot. I also went onto another online dating site, Saw You at Sinai, which is a matchmaking site. It appears that even in the era of online dating we have come full circle back to the shidduchim of yore.
Dating online has its perks, but it also has plenty of downfalls, as does this whole new era of dating, which includes instant messaging, texting, emailing, Friendster, Facebook, and all of the other outlets that people use to get in touch to date. I have lots of examples to give, but it's late and I have a date tomorrow night, so I need to get some beauty sleep. Stay tuned for more...and of course an update on the date!
HKG
Unlike my parents and my brother and sister-in-law (who met in college and got married when they were 25), I didn't have a steady boyfriend in high school or in college. So new outlets were needed to meet people. My first boyfriend was my cousin's friend -- easy enough. My next boyfriend I met at Yom Kippur services in manhattan (I guess all of my repenting for my sins was heard). But once that relationship was done I was stuck. By this point my single friends who I would go out with on the prowl were either in relationships, or not Jewish, which made it hard to meet Jewish men. So I did what most other Jewish single girls did at that time -- I went on Jdate. At 21 it certainly wasn't a novelty to join the online dating bandwagon, but it was new for me, and it opened a whole new world, and population, of single men, some more eligible than others! So for the past 4 and a half years I have perused Jdate, been on and off more than a dozen times, had over 80 Jdates, and a couple of boyfriends to boot. I also went onto another online dating site, Saw You at Sinai, which is a matchmaking site. It appears that even in the era of online dating we have come full circle back to the shidduchim of yore.
Dating online has its perks, but it also has plenty of downfalls, as does this whole new era of dating, which includes instant messaging, texting, emailing, Friendster, Facebook, and all of the other outlets that people use to get in touch to date. I have lots of examples to give, but it's late and I have a date tomorrow night, so I need to get some beauty sleep. Stay tuned for more...and of course an update on the date!
HKG
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Welcome to My Dating Book!
Hi! Welcome to My Dating Book, my online diary of my dates. Now, before you click to look at a new blog, stay here for a few minutes to find out what I'm all about -- that's the least you can do. I promise, this isn't going to be boring!
Over the past 6 years I have dated 100s of guys in a quest to find the perfect Jewish man for me. I don't remember the exact number (I seemed to have lost count somewhere past 60), but I do remember most of their names, and many of the stories that go with them. Over the years, my friends and family members (well mostly just my parents) have insisted that I keep logs of all my dates and write a book. I have the perfect title, but not so much time, so in the meantime I am using this blog to record what I need to until the time comes for me to write it all down. I'll start in the present, but you will definitely read about the past, because no matter how you slice it, all the dates tend to be the same.
Before I begin, let me tell you a little about myself. My name pretty much says it all -- I'm a cute Jewish girl, looking for a cute Jewish guy, and dating a lot of losers along the way. Ok, well that was the short version. In addition to being cute (this is not just my parents opinion--no guy has yet to be disappointed on a date), I am also smart, sophisticated, worldly, and sweet as apple tart (which I love, btw!). As I said, I'm looking for a cute guy, but beyond that he needs to be smart, mature, sweet, personable, and affectionate (if he doesn't want to hold my hand walking down the street after 3 months, buh-bye--but more on that story later). As I also said, I have dated many losers along the way. Loser = player, 35 year old with a 20 year old mind, guy with bad teeth, incessant gum-chewer, guy who can't hold a conversation...um, I think you get the point. Needless to say, after one too many times on jdate, a multitude of set-ups, and dates with friends of friends, there isn't a type of guy I have yet to meet....except for that special someone! So get ready for My Dating Book. Let the stories begin!
Till next time,
HKG
Over the past 6 years I have dated 100s of guys in a quest to find the perfect Jewish man for me. I don't remember the exact number (I seemed to have lost count somewhere past 60), but I do remember most of their names, and many of the stories that go with them. Over the years, my friends and family members (well mostly just my parents) have insisted that I keep logs of all my dates and write a book. I have the perfect title, but not so much time, so in the meantime I am using this blog to record what I need to until the time comes for me to write it all down. I'll start in the present, but you will definitely read about the past, because no matter how you slice it, all the dates tend to be the same.
Before I begin, let me tell you a little about myself. My name pretty much says it all -- I'm a cute Jewish girl, looking for a cute Jewish guy, and dating a lot of losers along the way. Ok, well that was the short version. In addition to being cute (this is not just my parents opinion--no guy has yet to be disappointed on a date), I am also smart, sophisticated, worldly, and sweet as apple tart (which I love, btw!). As I said, I'm looking for a cute guy, but beyond that he needs to be smart, mature, sweet, personable, and affectionate (if he doesn't want to hold my hand walking down the street after 3 months, buh-bye--but more on that story later). As I also said, I have dated many losers along the way. Loser = player, 35 year old with a 20 year old mind, guy with bad teeth, incessant gum-chewer, guy who can't hold a conversation...um, I think you get the point. Needless to say, after one too many times on jdate, a multitude of set-ups, and dates with friends of friends, there isn't a type of guy I have yet to meet....except for that special someone! So get ready for My Dating Book. Let the stories begin!
Till next time,
HKG
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