Double Dating

In all my years of dating I have gone on very few double dates, and I have never been on one when the guy I was with was a set-up. Until now.

Friday night I was set up with a guy who I knew nothing about. A few weeks ago my friend told me the guy she's been seeing, J, had a Jewish guy to set me up with, but she didn't know anything about him other than that he was a successful hedge-fund guy. I guess J figured that was all that I needed to know. So I said sure, you can give J my number to give to his friend. The next thing I know, J wants to know what day I'm free to go out with his friend T. I asked how old he was to be asking me out through his friend, since I don't remember the last time a guy talked to me through other people. My girlfriend figured that J wanted us to all go out together, and low and behold she was right. So I said sure, that will make it easier in case I don't like T. At least then my friend and I would have a fun time regardless of the boys.

So after multiple four-way email exchanges we met up Friday night for drinks and dinner, which led to drinks, dinner, drinks, drinks, and more drinks. When my friend and I met the guys I thought T was cute. He had a young look to him, and I was surprised to find out later that he is 33. He had great hair (a plus, especially for a guy his age), and very nice eyes. The only problem -- his height (what a shocker--a short Jewish guy!). I am about 5'7 1/2 in flat feet, and with my 4 inch heels that I was wearing Fri night I was heads above T, who I saw was about 5'6, 5'7 at most, when he stood up. A little awkward, but I figured I'll make the most of it for a night. (Mind you, recently I have been seeing a guy who is 5'8 1/2 and I thought that was as short as I would go for a date.)

After a drink at the bar we walked to dinner at a little French bistro in SoHo. Conversation with T was okay, nothing great. It's a little hard to get to know someone when other people are having more interesting conversation! Dinner itself was an adventure, what with our undercooked artichoke that our 70 year-old tatooed waitress said tasted fine to her and asked if we wanted it back (um, no, you ate from it crazy lady!), and the longest wait ever for service and a check. Thankfully we all agreed to skip dessert and go elsewhere, which is what led to about 4 hours of bar hopping. My friend and I were happy enough to stay at any of the multiple places we checked out, but the boys seemed intent on impressing us with some cool spot (we weren't so impressed that they had us walking all over the place in heels). At long last, and many drinks later, we decided to go to a kareoke bar, where we got our own room with these cheesy, gross plastic leather sofas, a TV, microphones, and free reign to make fools of ourselves. Who knows what really goes on in those rooms, but it was fun, until my friend and J left, leaving T and me alone for the first time all night. At that point T looked like he was ready to pounce. I was not in the mood to be the prey, and suggested we leave. T asked me to come back to his place, at 3:30 AM mind you, and I said it was way past my bedtime. He dropped me off and said he would call. Right.

So here's the thing. What makes a guy who you just meet, let alone through a friend, think that he is entitled to something more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening? I have never been able to understand this in all my dating history. And on top of it, when said guy doesn't get more than a kiss on the cheek he doesn't call for another date. Little does he know that if we went on another date and got to know each other better one-on-one, maybe he would get more than a cheek at the end of the night. (Not that I was dying for another date with T, but it's the principle.) I guess it's the whole idea of "You reject me, I'll reject you back." If you ask me, this is one way to describe a "player," and boy, am I done with players.

It's past the point of the 3 day rule, so let's just say T is out of the picture. A fun night? Yes. The man I'm gonna marry? No. Another one for the book!

The New Era of Dating

I have found that the world of dating has changed over the years. In the olden days (from what I have heard) dating was pretty much non-existent. In Orthodox Jewish circles, parents made shidduchim, "matches," between eligible single women, or girls as occurs in most cases, and eligible single men, or boys. The children had no say in the matter, and were just told this is the boy/girl you are going to marry. (These days you still find this in very religious circles, but not as often for the average Jewish man and woman.) As years went on, in the less religious circles, and even in non-Jewish circles, men and women often met in high school or early on in college, and got married in their early twenties. Take my parents, for example. They met in high school and dated since the time they were 14 years old. My father (the star of his basketball team, but in all other ways a tall, lanky nerd) chased after my mother (a blond bombshell who had tons of guys running after her), and for all of his persistence he won the prize. They got married when they were 21, and after almost 35 years of marriage they are happier and better together than ever. Of course ever since I was 19 they have been worried about my singlehood, and very few days go by without the "you're not getting any younger" line. But times have changed I tell them, and they are slowly seeing this.

Unlike my parents and my brother and sister-in-law (who met in college and got married when they were 25), I didn't have a steady boyfriend in high school or in college. So new outlets were needed to meet people. My first boyfriend was my cousin's friend -- easy enough. My next boyfriend I met at Yom Kippur services in manhattan (I guess all of my repenting for my sins was heard). But once that relationship was done I was stuck. By this point my single friends who I would go out with on the prowl were either in relationships, or not Jewish, which made it hard to meet Jewish men. So I did what most other Jewish single girls did at that time -- I went on Jdate. At 21 it certainly wasn't a novelty to join the online dating bandwagon, but it was new for me, and it opened a whole new world, and population, of single men, some more eligible than others! So for the past 4 and a half years I have perused Jdate, been on and off more than a dozen times, had over 80 Jdates, and a couple of boyfriends to boot. I also went onto another online dating site, Saw You at Sinai, which is a matchmaking site. It appears that even in the era of online dating we have come full circle back to the shidduchim of yore.

Dating online has its perks, but it also has plenty of downfalls, as does this whole new era of dating, which includes instant messaging, texting, emailing, Friendster, Facebook, and all of the other outlets that people use to get in touch to date. I have lots of examples to give, but it's late and I have a date tomorrow night, so I need to get some beauty sleep. Stay tuned for more...and of course an update on the date!

HKG

Welcome to My Dating Book!

Hi! Welcome to My Dating Book, my online diary of my dates. Now, before you click to look at a new blog, stay here for a few minutes to find out what I'm all about -- that's the least you can do. I promise, this isn't going to be boring!

Over the past 6 years I have dated 100s of guys in a quest to find the perfect Jewish man for me. I don't remember the exact number (I seemed to have lost count somewhere past 60), but I do remember most of their names, and many of the stories that go with them. Over the years, my friends and family members (well mostly just my parents) have insisted that I keep logs of all my dates and write a book. I have the perfect title, but not so much time, so in the meantime I am using this blog to record what I need to until the time comes for me to write it all down. I'll start in the present, but you will definitely read about the past, because no matter how you slice it, all the dates tend to be the same.

Before I begin, let me tell you a little about myself. My name pretty much says it all -- I'm a cute Jewish girl, looking for a cute Jewish guy, and dating a lot of losers along the way. Ok, well that was the short version. In addition to being cute (this is not just my parents opinion--no guy has yet to be disappointed on a date), I am also smart, sophisticated, worldly, and sweet as apple tart (which I love, btw!). As I said, I'm looking for a cute guy, but beyond that he needs to be smart, mature, sweet, personable, and affectionate (if he doesn't want to hold my hand walking down the street after 3 months, buh-bye--but more on that story later). As I also said, I have dated many losers along the way. Loser = player, 35 year old with a 20 year old mind, guy with bad teeth, incessant gum-chewer, guy who can't hold a conversation...um, I think you get the point. Needless to say, after one too many times on jdate, a multitude of set-ups, and dates with friends of friends, there isn't a type of guy I have yet to meet....except for that special someone! So get ready for My Dating Book. Let the stories begin!

Till next time,
HKG